Got any Ideas??

What do I want to be when I grow up? Now this is a hard question for me to answer right now. I am really confused as to what direction I want to take with my life at this point.

Do not dismiss your dreams. to be without dreams

is to be with out hope, to be without hope is to be

without purpose.

OK I will try to fill you in a bit in case I lost anyone. I do that a lot. But it is worse when I lose me. and that happens more then I care to admit at times. But I normally find myself at some point. Now where was I? OH YEAH, me and my problems of course. LOL..

For those of you who don't know, or for those who do but forgot I complained about it.. LOL... A few years ago I got hurt at work.. what a night that was.. there I am soldering rotors for alternators that go in Everything from Semis to Military Hummers to small motor boats. This night it was small 8lb rotors. As I was just starting the 2nd half of my night with already something like 300 parts done, I was handed one of these rotors and was placing it into the desktop whole for soldering when everyone in my cell heard the loudest POP you could imagine. Yep over Machinery so loud it would make you go HUH? for a month after being there for an hour. Anyhows, we all heard the POP and then me screaming FUCK.. (yes I said that word). I grabbed my arm and just held it, with in secounds my whole shoulder swelled up and was so huge that it was about 2 feet higher then the other one.. you think I am imagining this? OK maybe it wasn't 2 feet high. But you see where I am going don't ya?

Well at that point I walked over to our lead person.. Now I want you to really pay attention to this part OK. Our Lead Person was trained in first aide and was part of the first aide team. She was acting supervisior for the night as well.. OK Now this all gets good.. I told her what happened.. ok I will try to act this out for ya. name change.. 8:05 pm

Jade - (walked up to acting supervisor, while holding my arm inside my Biboveralls) Bitch, I just did something to my shoulder.

Bitch - What did you do?

Jade - I am not sure, was getting ready to solder a part when my shoulder made a loud pop and pain ran through from my shoulder down to my hand.

Bitch - Oh, Well I surpose you want to go home then? (remind you, I was never one for leaving work, no money in that)

Jade - No, not without filling out an accident report first. Besides I am not going home, I am going to the ER.

Bitch - Well I can get to the accident reports, they are locked up in Big Guys office (another name change / the reports are always on a desk outside Big Guys office)

Jade - Then what am I surpose to do? I am not going to the ER or home, nor leaving work until I fill out the report. (by this time I am getting pissed and I am already in lots of pain. not a good combo)

Bitch - Well your gonna have to go back to work then and wait for 3rd shift supervisior to come in at 11pm. (shift ends at midnight)

Jade - OK Whatever, How the Fuck you want me to work like this?

Bitch - I am sure you will think of someway to do it. (this is where I walk away while muttering under my breath that she is a fucking stupid bitch)

remind you, she is on the first aide team and not once did she ask to look at my shoulder.

I go back to my work station and where I proceeded to solder parts with one arm. Now for this job it takes 2 hands to do. first I have to place rotor in whole. then strip the plastic off the wires, wrap the wires around 2 small prongs on rotor. then hold gun in one hand and solder in the other while soldering the wires to the prongs.then move part to rake on other side of me. Easy job? Well yeah if I had 2 hands to do the job. Well need to say, we did not make our numbers that night. Now here comes some more stupidity..it is 11:10pm when Bitch walks up to me in the cell

Bitch - Jade, 3rd shift sup is here. do you still need to fill out an accident report?

Jade - Standing with my mouth dropped while my arm is resting inside my overalls, my shoulder swelled and raised well higher then the other one, and before I could say the words " Well duh" the bitch walks away from me

About 2 minutes passed and the other girl who worked in the cell with me, went over to the bitch and said "YES, she does need to go fill out the report, she is no good to anyone right now." the bitch walks back over to me. By this time it is 11:20 pm (shift ends at Midnight)

Bitch - Jade, come with me. 3rd shift sup is in her office.

Jade - Finally, I follow

I then go in and fill out the report with the 3rd shift sup who at this point is pissed at the bitch for making me work the last 4 hours of the night. She ask me if I want to head right out and come back later and clock out. But I won't be paid over time. so I said no and waited the last 20 minutes by this time to go home. But told not to clean up my area and to just sit and relax until midnight. so I did just that..

I went to the ER after that and found out I had torn my shoulder up pretty bad.. well this is where I been out of work every since. I have had one surgery on my shoulder already and waiting for another one as soon as Workmans Comp appoves it. and trust me, they are taking there sweet ass time about it. Lets see, the New Dr wanted to do it last sept and this is the last day of May. talk about slow.. Well anyways LOL..

I go to court for W.C and the judge tells me to go to VESID and sign up. Well VESID is a program that will help to retrain you at something else or send you to school to learn a new trade. I get to go to school.. so this is where I am confused, Because everything they said I would excel at I hate. for example Culunary arts.. What are they NUTZ??? I been cooking for years. I HATE cooking.. Not that I can't cook, I just hate to cook... so now what? of course I have to wait some more because after surgery I am going to have over an 75 to 80% loss of my left arm.. which is OK if I have no more pain.But leave me limited on the things I can do..

So now it is a matter of deciding what would I like to do and will I be able to do it after the surgery? you see I have to decide this because they can have me in College by Sept of this year. OK so now what do I do?

OK now that you all know.. what the hell do I do? lol anyone have any good ideas they can throw at me? all Ideas are welcomed..

As for the problem I had over last weekend with the girl who was in the hospital. Well she has decided that she wanted to end our friendship. That is OK. I was upset at first about it. But then relized that it is just time for her to move on. This is good for her and is what she needs at this point in her life. Friends come into our lives for a reason and when they leave. That just means that it was time and they are needed else where. She will always be in my heart and I wish her the best of luck with all she incounters in life. May the Goddess always keep her safe..