Got any Ideas??

What do I want to be when I grow up? Now this is a hard question for me to answer right now. I am really confused as to what direction I want to take with my life at this point.

Do not dismiss your dreams. to be without dreams

is to be with out hope, to be without hope is to be

without purpose.

OK I will try to fill you in a bit in case I lost anyone. I do that a lot. But it is worse when I lose me. and that happens more then I care to admit at times. But I normally find myself at some point. Now where was I? OH YEAH, me and my problems of course. LOL..

For those of you who don't know, or for those who do but forgot I complained about it.. LOL... A few years ago I got hurt at work.. what a night that was.. there I am soldering rotors for alternators that go in Everything from Semis to Military Hummers to small motor boats. This night it was small 8lb rotors. As I was just starting the 2nd half of my night with already something like 300 parts done, I was handed one of these rotors and was placing it into the desktop whole for soldering when everyone in my cell heard the loudest POP you could imagine. Yep over Machinery so loud it would make you go HUH? for a month after being there for an hour. Anyhows, we all heard the POP and then me screaming FUCK.. (yes I said that word). I grabbed my arm and just held it, with in secounds my whole shoulder swelled up and was so huge that it was about 2 feet higher then the other one.. you think I am imagining this? OK maybe it wasn't 2 feet high. But you see where I am going don't ya?

Well at that point I walked over to our lead person.. Now I want you to really pay attention to this part OK. Our Lead Person was trained in first aide and was part of the first aide team. She was acting supervisior for the night as well.. OK Now this all gets good.. I told her what happened.. ok I will try to act this out for ya. name change.. 8:05 pm

Jade - (walked up to acting supervisor, while holding my arm inside my Biboveralls) Bitch, I just did something to my shoulder.

Bitch - What did you do?

Jade - I am not sure, was getting ready to solder a part when my shoulder made a loud pop and pain ran through from my shoulder down to my hand.

Bitch - Oh, Well I surpose you want to go home then? (remind you, I was never one for leaving work, no money in that)

Jade - No, not without filling out an accident report first. Besides I am not going home, I am going to the ER.

Bitch - Well I can get to the accident reports, they are locked up in Big Guys office (another name change / the reports are always on a desk outside Big Guys office)

Jade - Then what am I surpose to do? I am not going to the ER or home, nor leaving work until I fill out the report. (by this time I am getting pissed and I am already in lots of pain. not a good combo)

Bitch - Well your gonna have to go back to work then and wait for 3rd shift supervisior to come in at 11pm. (shift ends at midnight)

Jade - OK Whatever, How the Fuck you want me to work like this?

Bitch - I am sure you will think of someway to do it. (this is where I walk away while muttering under my breath that she is a fucking stupid bitch)

remind you, she is on the first aide team and not once did she ask to look at my shoulder.

I go back to my work station and where I proceeded to solder parts with one arm. Now for this job it takes 2 hands to do. first I have to place rotor in whole. then strip the plastic off the wires, wrap the wires around 2 small prongs on rotor. then hold gun in one hand and solder in the other while soldering the wires to the prongs.then move part to rake on other side of me. Easy job? Well yeah if I had 2 hands to do the job. Well need to say, we did not make our numbers that night. Now here comes some more stupidity..it is 11:10pm when Bitch walks up to me in the cell

Bitch - Jade, 3rd shift sup is here. do you still need to fill out an accident report?

Jade - Standing with my mouth dropped while my arm is resting inside my overalls, my shoulder swelled and raised well higher then the other one, and before I could say the words " Well duh" the bitch walks away from me

About 2 minutes passed and the other girl who worked in the cell with me, went over to the bitch and said "YES, she does need to go fill out the report, she is no good to anyone right now." the bitch walks back over to me. By this time it is 11:20 pm (shift ends at Midnight)

Bitch - Jade, come with me. 3rd shift sup is in her office.

Jade - Finally, I follow

I then go in and fill out the report with the 3rd shift sup who at this point is pissed at the bitch for making me work the last 4 hours of the night. She ask me if I want to head right out and come back later and clock out. But I won't be paid over time. so I said no and waited the last 20 minutes by this time to go home. But told not to clean up my area and to just sit and relax until midnight. so I did just that..

I went to the ER after that and found out I had torn my shoulder up pretty bad.. well this is where I been out of work every since. I have had one surgery on my shoulder already and waiting for another one as soon as Workmans Comp appoves it. and trust me, they are taking there sweet ass time about it. Lets see, the New Dr wanted to do it last sept and this is the last day of May. talk about slow.. Well anyways LOL..

I go to court for W.C and the judge tells me to go to VESID and sign up. Well VESID is a program that will help to retrain you at something else or send you to school to learn a new trade. I get to go to school.. so this is where I am confused, Because everything they said I would excel at I hate. for example Culunary arts.. What are they NUTZ??? I been cooking for years. I HATE cooking.. Not that I can't cook, I just hate to cook... so now what? of course I have to wait some more because after surgery I am going to have over an 75 to 80% loss of my left arm.. which is OK if I have no more pain.But leave me limited on the things I can do..

So now it is a matter of deciding what would I like to do and will I be able to do it after the surgery? you see I have to decide this because they can have me in College by Sept of this year. OK so now what do I do?

OK now that you all know.. what the hell do I do? lol anyone have any good ideas they can throw at me? all Ideas are welcomed..

As for the problem I had over last weekend with the girl who was in the hospital. Well she has decided that she wanted to end our friendship. That is OK. I was upset at first about it. But then relized that it is just time for her to move on. This is good for her and is what she needs at this point in her life. Friends come into our lives for a reason and when they leave. That just means that it was time and they are needed else where. She will always be in my heart and I wish her the best of luck with all she incounters in life. May the Goddess always keep her safe..

North Carolina Trip

Hey Folks,what a wonderful weekend I had. I really needed the mini vacation that I got.. So here are a few pics. Hope you enjoy!

This looks like a wonderful place to hide for a lifetime!!

What a view, Now this I could wake up to every morning

Blue Ridge Parkway -3

Blue Ridge Parkway - 2

Blue Ridge Parkway -1

I think I found another Vacation spot to add to my collection of favorites..

I Love Hiding !!!

My weekend started off a little rough.. I am feeling really bad right now.. A very good friend of mine, Well more like my daughter went into detox last Wed.. Well she asked me to come see her and on friday I was gonna. However it didn't workout that way.. I would not have had a problem getting in as I was going in as her minister, (yes, I am an ordained minister) But as I am a sponcer to three others, I ran into the problem of another person who decided she was gonna jump not fall off the wagon so to speak. I spent the day trying to talk this girl out of it and that didn't happen. Need to say I never made it over to see the one in detox. When I called her to explain that I would not make it, She got upset with me, asked me how I could be her sponcer if I couldn't be there when she needed me.. But the point I was looking at, she was in the hosital and this other person was not.. I was Kinda in a hard spot there and She had to be dissapointed... well I spoke to her on Saturday morning and she said she would call me back, But I have not heard from her since.. for this i am sorry. But I had no choice but to do what I did.. OK enough of this...

Saturday and Sunday I did hide, well sort of, LOL ... Saturday I went and took my neice to Pioneer Days in Gowanda.. A small carnival.. it was nice watching 14 & 15 year old girls flirt with the carny guys, LOL.. Oh to be 15 again.. then I got home and shut off the cell phone and didn't answer the house phone all night...

Oh At the carnival, that tuned out not to be so cool in the end.. they had to shut down all the rides.. I have never really seen it in person until this. But two children no more then 6 to 8 years old had fallen out of one of the rides.. it was horrible as I saw it happen... the good part was that when they fell out, they were at ground level.. it looked like the bar that was surpose to hold them in there seats did not latch.. The one child walked away with a broken arm.. the other child was not so lucky, they took him out strapped to board and neck brace and all.. he did not look good and was not even awake during this.. I felt so bad not only for the children involved but for their parents.. they were horrified... don't know what happen to the child But I do pray he will be OK...


Sunday (today) I stayed home, well went to the store but other then that, I was home and nope no phone calls were taken. the Kids where all here and we had our cookout.. Ribs, Mac Salad, corn on the cob, and lots of junk food, LOL... it was very relaxing and nice to have a day for me and not be running around with my head cut off...

Now, Hiding is over.. I am back to the grind tomorrow morning... there is still so much to do yet for this festival.. But I am happy with it so far.. Just wish I had more Vendors is all... But in all I think it will turn out OK..

I am off to read and comment on all the other blogs now, LOL.. Hope everyone has an awesome week, and please pray for the children hurt over the weekend.. Huggz All...

Week is OVER !!!

Well here I am again, What a week I have had... I think it has been a week from hell or damn close to it... I have been working my ass off with this Mystic Festival , Then trying to be there for the people who all seem to need me. Yet everything this week has gone wrong.. But no need to cry about it.. the week is over. So tomorrow I am taking the day for me.. I don't even care what anyone thinks, I am going to take the day and just go do some fun things.. I am not sure what yet., But I am going.. I am thinking of spending the day at a carnival and checking out the Harley Vendors or maybe go to the Harley shop and see what they got new, I need some new Tank tops anyways... Mine are all kinda worn out. LOL but then I have owned them all for years.. yeah I guess it is time for some new ones.. Sunday the Kids and Grandkids will be here. So we are going to cook some BBQ ribs and make some Mac & tuna Salad, Maybe do up a veggie wrap as well... it will be a good relaxing weekend in all...

OK so maybe I am dreaming of the relaxing weekend, But one can hope right? Maybe if I shut off my cell phone, refuse to answer my house phone. pretend I am not home when someone knocks on the door, I might get it.. Yep I am thinking that hiding might be a good way to get that relaxing weekend... of course it is always relaxing when I have the family here.. they make everything I do worth it...

OK thats about it for tonight. I hope I have more to write about over the weekend.. But I am off this computer and gonna go read some..
I hope everyone has an awesome weekend...

Here & There

Hey I am back. But only for a short post.
I have been real busy, As most know I went through my mourning stage. Well I guess thats a stage I will always be in. But I am doing OK.. I have kept myself Busy. I am one of the founders of The Mystic Festival held in Warsaw NY and it has turned out to be a lot of hard work. But I have to say it is all work I do so enjoy. I know it will all be worth it when I hear that a child got a wish come true because of all the wonderful people in WNY. Lets See, ya wanna hear about my week? are ya sure? LOL. ok you asked for it.. LOL
Monday - I spent my day cleaning the house and sitting at my computer. But I did manage to get a nap in.. what a nice day that was.


Tuesday - I went to the Eye Drs. OK I was not thrilled about this at all, I walked out of there feeling either really old or just Blind. you see I kinda skipped a stage.. yep, I skipped right over Bifocals and went right to Trifocals.. WOW.. that was something to hear let me tell ya. But if ya thought that was bad. My bill was even worse then the fact I felt old or blind or both.. here I am trying to get out of debt and I think I just gave up my right arm so I could see again.. But then I also had to get two pair of glasses instead of one.. I figured if I was going to spend the money; I would look good. LOL, So I got a 2nd pair for Sun glasses. they cost me $123.00 just to look cool or is that just to keep the sun out of these old eyes.. hummm. have to ponder that one... But then the rest was spent on the trifocals.. yep, $240.00 so that I can sit at my computer all day and be able to read a book with out getting a headache. so in all about $415.00 total it cost me before 10 am.... Damn I need a better paying job...

Wed - I had to go to Warsaw and take Pics of hanging Witches for the Web site. this is for the People I work for advertising... Fun I tell ya.. NOT!!! Now I have to get busy again.Check them out and buy something, they need the money to pay me. LOL the Place is called The New Farm it is a co- op of Antique & Craft Vendors.. lots of cool stuff there to... But also where the Mystic Festival is being held... I was also going to fix a computer for a girl over there. But she was not there. I hate when people make appointments with me and then don't bother to call me and say they won't be home.. it just waste my time and proceeds to piss me off...Also on this day I wrote 178 emails to potential Vendors...OK this day over..

Thurs - Home all day, I went out long enough to pick up my glasses and came right back home.. the day was off for some reason. almost like there was something wrong with the world.. Which I think there was.. But who am I? I even stayed off the computer for the day.. YES ME. lol.. well till now anyways...

Fri - I have a drs appointment in the morning.. But then nothing, I am coming back home to maybe clean my house.. yes I have done some cleaning this week. But now it needs a good scrubbing... and the wonderful job of laundry... so fun wow.. then the weekend..I hope it is better then my week. LOL


SO there you have it. my boreing week.. But hey I have come out of hiding for a little while.. I may not be here to post to often for the rest of the month.. I will update when I can as the Mystic Festival is taking up a lot of my time.. But I promise to read and comment on all your blogs,

OK I am off for the night... Night All

Quorry & Amanda; I want to wish you a wonderful 5 year Anniversary... I hope you have a wonderful day and weekend... I love you both Very Much..

 

MYSTERY’S MYSTICAL EMPORIUM PRESENTS:

2^{ND ANNUAL MYSTIC FESTIVAL}

JUNE 4TH & 5TH 2005

ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT THE MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION OF W.N.Y.

ADMISSION: ONE NON-PERISHABLE FOOD ITEM

TO BE DONATED TO THE LOCAL FOOD PANTRY

SAT: 10 – 8

SUN: 10 – 6

 

FEATURING GUESTS OF HONOR:

INTERNATIONAL RENOWNED PSYCHIC

BERNICE GOLDEN

(Performing an open style medium forum)

INTERNATIONAL RENOWNED BEST SELLING AUTHORS

M. R. Sellars

(Mystery & Suspense)

 

EDAIN McCOY

(Author of 20 non-fiction books on magick, divination, and much more)

 

Rhiannon Skye

(Author of "A Different Kind of Mother")

 

AWARD WINNING ROLE PLAYING GAMES, AUTHOR & DESIGNER

STEVEN CREECH

 

BAND PERFORMANCE BY:

McWORTHER & LENORD

OF KILBRANNAN

 

Also Offering:

Reiki

Psychics

(Mediums, spiritual readings)

Tarot Readings

Runes

Various Workshops:

(NO ADDITIONAL COST)

( So you wanna be an Author... , Protection Magick for beginners, Magical Ethics,

the fey and on Celtic warrior archetypes, Getting published in the role-playing game industry,

What makes role-playing games so fun?, and much more)

Metaphysical Supplies

Role-Playing Games and Supplies

Clothing & Jewelry

Antique & Craft Vendors

CHINESE AUCTION & 50/50

(ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TO MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION)

AND MUCH MORE!!

JOIN IN THE FUN!

 

For Moms Everywhere !!!

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ........
somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "Normal," is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct ...
somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring ......
somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good." Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices .
somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbour's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother .
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first.
Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books ......
somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labour and delivery ....

Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.
or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back .....
somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married ...
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter - in - law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home .... Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her .....
Somebody isn't a mother.


Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life.

For My Baby !!!!!

“ When Tomorrow Starts Without Me”

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In the Summerlands far away,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love today.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
But then I realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through the Summerlands
I felt so much at home.
When the Goddess looked down and smiled at me,
From Her place in my new home,
She said "This is not eternity",
As I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same day
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
And now at last you're free.
To walk the Summerlands as you please.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For over time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
By Unknown

Missing my Friend

I wasn't gonna blog about this. I was gonna hold it in cause I felt like, If I let it all out then I would lose the rest of my Baby. Well I have to say that I know now, loseing him is never gonna happen. This man will be in my heart & soul forever. Yes I am talking about the same man that Magz was talking about. The one and the only Rev. Bones,

This man was a big part of who I am today. There wasn't nothing he did not know about me. He knew every part of my life and he knew me. Hell he knew me better then I knew me. If ever I had a soul mate in life it was Bones. He never judged me. He always gave good sound advise. He was always there when I needed him no matter what. We talked every night and every morning and sometimes 3 to4 times a day rather it was by internet or phone..
I don't have that now. I know it has been less then a week. Yet I feel so lost. I feel like a part of me died with him. I have tried everything to keep my mind busy. from watching grandchildren all weekend to just diving right into my work. But in the end. Bones is the one I think about and wonder why this had to happen. He was one of the best men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I don't think I will ever know another the way I did him. He made promises to me the night before. I have to say he kept them promises. I just wish he would not have kept them in the manner he did.

I am happy that there was no suffering.. But then he suffered all his life in one way or another. But I know he is in a better place now. I know there is no more pain and I know that this is what was meant. But it still don't stop the pain I feel every time I wake or sleep to know he is not there for me to pick up the phone and talk to anymore. I can't hear his voice nor will I ever feel him hug me again.
Well not in this world anyway. I know that I will see him again someday.

Kinda like what Magz told me. "Look for that raggy looking kitty that needs some love." But rather it be this lifetime or maybe another. I know that we will see each other again and the next time it will be better for both of us. Yes like I said, if ever I had a soul mate in life, it was him..

I have to say that Bones was really one hell of a man, a biker, a rev. He was the best any one could have asked for in life rather it was to be his friend or his lover or anything in between. he had a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. When he gave he gave all of himself. there was nothing he left out. People did matter to him. He loved People and he loved helping them. So I know that he is now wrapped in all the love he so deserved. I know the light shines bright upon him, and if there are Angles as I know there are. then he is one today. I know he has the wings and the halo.. LOL, yep he has a halo ... I also know he is looking down on all his family and friends and will always be watching. He will let us all know when we are doing wrong in his own way. So I will mourn his passing and I will miss him more then words could ever express. But I know he is with me for he is in my heart. SO what little time we had is OK. for that time was better then not having any at all or never haveing the pleasure of knowing him.

Bones:
May the Lord & Lady wrap you in all their love and may you shine on as bright as the sun... I will always love & miss you till we meet again.