"Now learn to pay attention."
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 importantqualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck a finger in the butt of the corpse withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it and then gagging and choking.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,"The second most important quality is observation".
"If you had more observant, you would have seen that I stuck my middle finger in the butt and sucked on my index finger. Don't you wish you had been more observant! I suggest you learn to pay more attention before you do something really stupid like this again."
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Age and Treachery
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!
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A teenage granddaughter
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a very sheerblouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not todare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gottalet your rose buds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sittingthere with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she hasfriends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebudsthen I can display my hanging baskets." Happy Gardening. (This is too funny not to share)
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A tale of 2 trees
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Wipe that smile off your face.
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